What is this Ebook about?  How to help yourself in your Growth Journey and bring to yourself all the best resources you can muster to achieve your goals. What Information do you need?   You need to understand basic self-help categories. ·       Do you have problems to solve (e.g. anxiety, depression, low self-esteem)? ·       Do you have goals you wish to achieve (e.g. confidence, career success, and wealth creation)? Probably you will be dealing with both.  That’s the story for most of us.  If you have Problems to Solve, these will inevitably affect Goals to Achieve. Conversely, if you have Goals you want to Achieve, you will likely uncover Problems that need Solving along the way. In either case, dealing with one will positively affect the other. Commit yourself to becoming the Best Person you can while having fun and enjoying your Life. These are the Fundamentals to creating a Healthy Positive Attitude. It doesn’t matter where you begin, as long as you have a goal. A self-improvement goal is easy to state, as we did above. Committing yourself to becoming the Best Person you can could be considered an Umbrella Goal. Under this Umbrella Goal there will be many sub goals. For example: ·       Dealing with Anxiety ·       Building Self-Esteem ·       Going back to school ·       Building or remodeling your home ·       Establishing Career Success ·       Finding a partner ·       Creating Wealth and Abundance in Your Life  Each of these sub goals will have needs of their own. For example: Would increased Self-Esteem help in any of the above goals?  Of course it would.  Would reducing anxiety levels help in the above goals? Of course it would.  Would “Thinking More Positively” help in the above goals? Absolutely! See how we move from the umbrella goal to sub goals belonging to Problems to be Solved or Categories of Achievement. These stepping stone goals, which are part of everyone’s process, are interrelated. Have a problem with Anxiety?  Then, you have a problem with Self-Esteem or Creating Wealth or Achieving Success. Benefits of this Ebook ·       Presents shortcuts to understanding yourself and problems to be solved. ·       Helps to quickly identify your Umbrella Goal and any Sub Goals for problem solving and achievement. ·       Helps you discover how to Manage your Anxiety. ·       Learn how to grow Self-Esteem. ·       Develop and establish Positive Thinking Habits. ·       Make the most of your Talents and Past Successes. ·       Find Strength and Courage in a history of Abuse or Neglect. ·       Learn how to re-parent yourself as you deserved as a child. ·       Turn any failure into a success by extracting its beneficial lessons and noting the strengths you developed.   Learn to understand yourself better by identifying various adaptive patterns.  -        Did you become an Overachiever? -        Are you excessively controlling, of yourself and others? -        Did you become an underachiever? -        Did you learn to rely on drugs, alcohol or medications? -        Are you holding yourself back from Creativity and Success? -        Did you “decide” that “you have no needs?” -        Did you become Passive-Aggressive? -        Do you have problems identifying and expressing your emotions? -        Are you plagued by depression, anxiety and self-doubt? A Human Being’s Basic Bill of Rights: ·       You have the right to have your needs met. ·       You have needs that deserve your attention. ·       You have Value, just as you are right now. ·       You deserve to be loved and appreciated. ·       Apologizing has redeeming value. ·       You do not need to be perfect. ·       You are not perfect. No one is. ·       Healthy Self-Esteem is necessary fuel for Life. ·       Self-Improvement can be fun. ·       Your past is “what happened” to you, not “who you are”. ·       Your survival and adaptive strategies are also about “what happened to you”, and not “who you are”. ·       Survival patterns and adaptive strategies can be changed. ·       You have the right “to improve your life” in whatever manner you prefer. ·       Harming others will never advance your goal to improve yourself or your life circumstances. ·       Positive self-esteem, joy, happiness, love, regret, loss, hurt, pain, success, failure and so on, are all part of life’s experience.   Your Goal: Your goal is to get where you want to be in terms of problems solved and achievement goals realized. This makes use of The Power of Intention and The Law of Attraction.  What you focus on will come to you. It would be a good idea to for you to STOP focusing on anything negative Right Now! For Example: I want to live my life in the fullest and healthiest way possible by growing self-esteem, reducing anxiety levels and building confidence within one year. I want to grow my net worth by …..% within 2 years. I want a Strong and Healthy Relationship in my life by the end of this year. . .   You want to achieve your Goals as safely and efficiently as possible. The Road:   This road ill be paved with  Success, Failure, Strength, Defeat, Leaps Forward, Retreats, Heroic Days, Down Time, Friends, Foes – All part of the Process. Ask Yourself This: Can I still love myself after . . . . . . .  (fill in your greatest shame or perceived failure)? The Ideal Human Being:  He or She is not perfect.  He or she has Great Tools which they use to achieve their goals and grow in their best direction. Self-Help Resources are Tools:   You adapt these tools to your needs and goals. Experiment first, then use the ones that work best for you!   You will get to your goals with the right resources. Maurice Turmel holds a PhD in Counseling Psychology. He was a practicing therapist for nearly 25 years providing counseling and therapy to individuals, groups, organizations and families. He is the author of “The Voice – A Metaphor for Personal Development”; “Mythical Times – Exploring Life, Love & Purpose”; and “When Angels Call – Spiritual and Emotional Recovery from Grief and Loss”. He hosts his own radio show on BlogTalkRadio.com – “The Personal Growth Advisor.”http://personalgrowthadvisor.comhttp://www.griefandlossrecovery.comOnline Tarot Readings by an experienced Psychic

  “I am successful,” “I am a wonderful person,” “I will find love again,” and many other similar phrases that students, the broken-hearted and unfulfilled employees may repeat to themselves over and over again, hoping to change their lives. Self-help books through the ages, from Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking all the way to the latest, The Secret, have encouraged people with low self-esteem to make positive self-statements or affirmations. New research suggests it may do more harm than good to many people. Canadian researcher, Dr. Joanne Wood at the University of Waterloo and her colleagues at the University of New Brunswick who have recently published their research in the Journal of Psychological Science, concluded “repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most.” The researchers asked people with and low self-esteem to say “I am a lovable person.” They then measured the participants’ moods and their feelings about themselves. The low-esteem group felt worse afterwards compared with others who did not. However, people with high self-esteem felt better after repeating the positive affirmation–but only slightly. The psychologists then asked the participants to list negative and positive thoughts about themselves. They found, paradoxically, those with low self-esteem were in a better mood when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts. The researchers suggest that, like overly positive praise, unreasonably positive self-statements, such as “I accept myself completely” can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals in individuals with low self-esteem. When positive self-statements strong conflict with self-perception, the researchers argue, there is not mere resistance but a reinforcing of self-perception. People who view themselves as unlovable, for example, find that saying that are so unbelievable that it strengthens their own negative view rather than reversing it. These findings were supported by previous research published in 1994 in the Journal of Social Psychology, showing that when people get feedback that they believe is overly positive, they actually feel worse, not better. Dr. Wood goes even further. In her Psychology Today blog, she says that most self-help books advocating positive affirmations may be based on good intentions or personal experience, but they are rarely based on even one iota of scientific evidence. She cites psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness as an exception. Does that mean positive affirmations are of absolutely no value. Not according to Dr. Wood and her co-researchers. They say they positive affirmations can help when they are part of a broader program of intervention. That intervention can take place in a number of forms such as cognitive psychotherapy or working with a coach who has expertise in the behavioral sciences.What kind of intervention is best to use to make positive affirmations most effective? That’s where we encounter even more controversy. Traditional cognitive psychotherapy may not be the best intervention according to Dr. Steven Hayes, a renowned psychotherapist, and author of Getting Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life. Hayes has been setting the world of psychotherapy on its ear by advocating a totally different approach. In an article in Time magazine, John Cloud describes Hayes’ work. Hayes and researchers Marsha Linehan and Robert Kohlenberg at the University of Washington, and Zindel Segal at the University of Toronto, what we could call “Third Wave Psychologists” are focusing less on how to manipulate the content of our thoughts (a focus on cognitive psychotherapy) and more on how to change their context–to modify the way we see thoughts and feelings so they can’t control our behavior. Whereas cognitive therapists speak of “cognitive errors” and “distorted interpretation,” Hayes and his colleagues encourage mindfulness, the meditation-inspired practice of observing thoughts without getting entangled by them–imagine the thoughts being a leaf or canoe floating down the stream. These Third Wave Psychologists would argue that trying to correct negative thoughts can paradoxically actually intensify them. As NLP trained coaches would say, telling someone to “not think about a blue tree,” actually focuses their mind on a blue tree. The Third Wave Psychologists methodology is called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), which says that we should acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout our life and instead of challenging or fighting with them, we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values in life. Hayes would argue that once we are willing to feel our negative emotions, we’ll find it easier to commit ourselves to what we want in life. This approach may come as a surprise to many, because the traditional cognitive model permeates our culture and the media as reflected in the Dr. Phil show. The essence of the conflict between traditional cognitive psychologists and psychotherapists is to engage in a process of analyzing your way out your problems, or the Third Wave approach which says, accept that you have negative beliefs, thinking and problems and focus on what you want. Third Wave psychologists acknowledge that we have pain, but rather than trying to push it away, they say trying to push it away or deny it just gives it more energy and strength. Third Wave Psychologists focus on acceptance and commitment comes with a variety of strategies to help people including such things as writing your epitaph (what’s going to be your legacy), clarifying your values and committing your behavior to them. It’s interesting that that The Third Wave Psychologists approach comes along at a time when more and more people are looking for answer outside of the traditional medical model (which psychiatry and traditional psychotherapy represent). Just look at a 2002 study in Prevention and Treatment, which found that 80% people tested who took the six most popular antidepressants of the 1990’s got the same results when they took a sugar pill placebo. The Third Wave Psychologists approaches are very consistent with much of the training and approach that many life coaches receive, inclusive of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and many spiritual approaches to behavioral changes reflected in ancient Buddhist teachings and the more modern version exemplified by Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now). The focus of those approaches reinforces the concepts of acceptance of negative emotions and thoughts, and rather than giving them energy and fighting with them, focus on mindfulness, and a commitment to an alignment of values and behavior. So what can we learn from all this? Two things–first, just engaging in positive affirmations by themselves, can do harm to people with low self-esteem, and provide only little benefit for those with high-esteem, if those affirmations are not part of a comprehensive program of self-growth, preferably with a knowledgeable professional; and second, the traditional cognitive psychotherapeutic approach at trying to change people’s negative thinking through logical processes may actually be counterproductive, compared to an approach that has people accept their thoughts, not resist them and give more energy to them by thinking about them, but rather engage in positive behaviors and thinking. On the next post, I’ll be interviewing Stephanie Frank, President of Success IQ University, a Master NLP Coach and Certified Hypnotherapist, who has worked with hundreds of individuals practicing the concepts and ideas in this blog, and achieved huge success with her clients. She’ll tell us how.   Ray Williams is Co-Founder of Success IQ University and President of Ray Williams Associates, companies based in Phoenix and Vancouver, providing leadership development, personal growth and executive coaching services and products.Free WP Plugins

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) may help Fibromyalgia symptoms. It is a self-help approach that assists patients in understanding the way we think and feel. It is said that NLP can be a helpful fibromyalgia treatment by helping the sufferer find freedom from underlying emotional issues that contribute to chronic pain and other symptoms.  NLP is described as “the study of the structure of subjective experience”. “Neuro” refers to how the brain works.  “Linguistic” is defined as how language interacts with the brain.  The word “Programming” describes how we use this interaction to get the results we want for ourselves and others.  NLP a blend of cognitive and behavioral science. It is said that NLP can be used to help people with quitting smoking, weight loss, performance, confidence, anxiety, anger management, stress relief, chronic pain, addiction, phobias, negative self-perception, insomnia and depression. The basic principle of NLP is that the words we use reflect our inner, subconscious perception of our problems. If we allow our negative perceptions and words to fester, the underlying problem will continue.  These negative words and attitudes can actually become who we are – even if they are inaccurate.  Reality is processed by our five senses and nervous system which translates into experience. Our experience is then given meaning by language and non-verbal communication. Looking at premise behind NLP, that language and non-verbal communication gives meaning to our experience, it does make sense that if we are made aware of our own negative communication patterns, experience can be modified into more positive ways of thinking and communicating. Neuro-Linguistic Programming is designed to change unwanted behaviors and beliefs, to help us achieve personal acceptance and improve our lives.  NLP systematically explores, illustrates, and teaches patterns of human perception and information processing, behavior, and communication.  The goal is to help eliminate the things that block your abilities to function and strengthen those that help you achieve excellence and overall wellness.Language & words have a powerful effect on altering perceptions. It is suggested that NLP offers a flexible approach which brings about positive, fast change in individuals, empowering them to adapt to an ever-shifting inner world.  NLP shows us how to understand and model our own successes in a realistic way, so that we can reproduce them. NLP experts say that positive self-talk is a must, no negatives.  You do get what you focus on, so focus on what you want.  Basically, its an attitude adjustment. NLP is new to me and maybe to you as well.  I have not experienced this therapy myself, but I feel it is important to present it as an option for FM and chronic pain.  Since we are all so different when it comes to our pain perception, severity and emotional status, what might work for some, may not work for others.  Discuss NLP with your healthcare provider to decide if NLP is worth a try.           Erica Thompson is a 40-year-old, Stay-at-Home mom with 3 children and a husband in the military. She was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 1995, but suffered from it many years prior to diagnosis and later, diagnosed with Chronic Myofascial Pain, IBS, RLS, migraine & more. She has done extensive research and is an expert based on her own experience, her mother’s and her grandmother’s. Her goal is to help chronic pain sufferers.
Website: Fibromyalgia Help 4 USFree Wordpress Plugins

Does your head start to buzz and your eyes start to cross every time you find yourself confronted with another self-help program? I don’t blame you. So many people are on the self-help bandwagon that it has become too difficult and too time-consuming to separate the wheat from the chaff. Consequently, in the interest of sanity, you miss a lot of valuable resources because you toss everything into the trash.

Is there a solution? Yes, there is. Every industry is full of those who talk in the abstract; that is, they don’t really have a practical knowledge of what they’re selling. Internet Marketing is a prime example. In my forays into this particular world in an attempt to educate myself, I encountered so many people who were only in it for the money. I can’t tell you how many times I have signed up somewhere just to get a glimpse of what they offered only to discover that their sales pitch had more information in it than their product. After a few months of this, I was completely burned out! I began a daily ritual of hitting the trash button every time I saw an email from some affiliate or internet marketer.

Is this the kind of experience you’ve been having with self-help books and programs? Have you tossed the baby out with the bath water rather than spend any more time trying to sort through the mass of products out there? If it is, let me share some ideas with you about what I consider the qualities of self-help programs that can make a difference. A VALUED RESOURCE: 1. Always presents information in a way that it has value for those who are seeking understanding but who have no background in the field AND it also has value for those who have been involved in the field for a while. “For those who have eyes to see and ears to hear…” This phrase means that I see and hear different things depending on where I am on my journey. If I read a particular book five years ago and thought it was great, but today my interpretation of the material is vastly different, I am in possession of a valued resource. If I am able to see deeper layers to the work as I grow, it is indeed a valued resource! 2. Discusses things in a practical way. In other words, it relates the information to situations that are common to a lot of people so that I can identify with it.

If the body of a book or program is filled with grandiose examples or the writer/teacher spends most of the time citing cases of those who have been successful with their program, this is not useful information. Someone else’s success is not my success. Their issues and their background are not necessarily the same as mine.

A valued resource gives me the “facts.” It provides all the information I need to make decisions for myself so that I can address the beliefs and attitudes that are dominant in me. 3. Does not use “catch phrases” with no attempt at explaining their significance.

For example, the word “sin” has many connotations depending on the nature of a person’s belief system. If I am to understand what they’re saying, then I need to know how they define their terms. Do they define sin as a black mark on me or as a signal that I am off my path of well-being? 4. Never tries to convince me that my success is just a matter of “doing” certain things.

Doing things in the outer world, like making lists or following a particular regimen, is only one part of the process that effects permanent change in my life. I have to be willing to examine my thoughts and my feelings as well as my actions. You run across some systems that focus almost exclusively on emulating successful people. Nothing wrong with that, unless I never look at myself because I’m always looking at the focus of my attention. When that happens, my success, if it happens, is something I’ve forced into existence. It is not something that I have developed the consciousness for. In other words, something that grew out of my understanding. Consequently, it is on a shaky foundation. 5. Encourages me to think for myself.

Any self-help program that discourages me from thinking for myself, that is, tweaking what I’ve learned to understand myself is suspect. Growth is all about thinking creatively, and I can’t very well do that if I take on the role of parrot! 6. Never promotes itself as the only source of information for my personal growth.

If a self-help program or teacher expects me to accept only what they teach, their teachings are contrary to the underlying principal of personal growth. The underlying principal of personal growth is about my being creative—taking information I receive and embracing it, molding it until it takes me to a new level of experience. To do this, I must be free to explore all ideas that seem pertinent to me. I may choose to explore all the teachings of a particular source because they resonate with me. That’s okay because it is my choice. 7. Never assures me that my life will do a complete turn-around overnight.

Sure, my life is about change, but it is life-long change. It took a long time for me to develop the attitudes or beliefs that I currently hold. Most have become unconscious ways of looking at my life. Do you seriously think this is going to change overnight? Of course, I may be able to force a particular change near term, but the moment I take my attention from it, it will revert to the path of least resistance. So, even though I may have some new experiences right off, it is superficial. Real change comes from working on the underlying causes of my experiences, and that’s a 24/7 job. There are no quick fixes for my life or yours! Anyone who tells me that they can permanently transform my entire life in a few quick and easy steps is totally ignoring 1) the work involved in change and 2) that my life is a journey of change through refinement.

Just as change takes time, so does making decisions about where to invest your energy in terms of your personal growth. Don’t get discouraged or in too big of a hurry. Read about the people presenting the information. Make sure their desire is weighted toward wanting to help you rather than making money. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone making a living by helping other people. The difference lies in whether the money is a by-product of helping or the money is their primary motive for presenting the information. Of course, this is not so easy to determine sometimes. If they have a web site, check out their about us page. Google them. If they have podcasts or blogs, go there and check them out. Through all of this, you can get a feeling for the person(s). Trust your instincts!

Copyright 2007 Dannye WilliamsenSecrets to Self Esteem, Problem Solving & Better Decision Making Dannye Williamsen combined her love of writing and her professional background in management in such diverse fields as commodity trading, the cable television industry, and land development with her degree in psychology and twenty plus years of study in metaphysics and personal growth to establish MindSlap! She has several publications and co-authored a 5 CD audio book called “It’s Your Move! Transform Your Dreams from Wishful Thinking to Reality.” Plus she produces 2 newsletters and a podcast show. Best Smartphone Software

If you are reading this you’re probably one of those people with a number of self help books that are currently accumulating dust in your bookshelf and self help ebooks that are filling up your computers memory, or you’re just curious of what I have to say. Either way I know you will agree with me.

First of, I’m not gonna claim to be an expert in this particular field because I am not, in fact I need help as well, badly.

I’ve read a number of self help books myself and those books that are accumulating dust in your bookshelf, I am sure you have read them too. You were inspired by them, you were moved by them, it even got you teary eyed at some point! But the question is, “why are you still the same old you?” If these books are so helpful, why are you still struggling? Makes sense right?

Now, let’s take a look at how we call these books. “Self Help” and let’s write that in reverse “Help Self” Wow! Now does that mean that I have to do something after reading the book? If these books are so powerful, I should be a changed man after reading them from cover to cover, right?

Wrong! Let me tell you something I found out about these books. First of all they are great and I like to thank all the people who wrote them and shared their experiences with us. But I tell you, not unless you have the determination and drive to make your life better everything in those books will be fictitious to YOU. Yes, It all goes down to “you” all the inspiration and all the knowledge you gained will all be wasted if you do not put them to use. They will be accumulating dust in your brains just like the books in your bookshelf. And you will still be living the same old life that you were trying to change or make better in the first place.

Now, let me ask you a question. “Do you really want to make your life better?” If your answer is no then stop reading and find yourself another article coz you are wasting your time my friend, If yes then do this! Let us do it together ok? I told you I need help too so I am doing this with you.

I want you to close your eyes and start looking at yourself. Assess yourself and think of the things that you are currently doing right now, once you have them, classify them into.

“Things that are greatly contributing to my life” and

“Things that are contributing less or things that are completely just wasting my time”.

And then concentrate on doing more of the things that are greatly contributing to your life and less of or totally eliminating those activities that does not. And then, make another list of the things that you know you should be doing to achieve more in your life like starting a business or getting a masters degree or just plainly looking for work and make an outline on how you plan to achieve these things. Make yourself a goal!

Come on, get a pen and paper and write down your goals. The achievable goals and the impossible goals! I wrote down mine just before I wrote this article. Write down how you plan to achieve these goals and share it to your family and friends so you’ll get all the support you need and everyday make an assessment of close you are in achieving your goals and ask yourself.

“What did I do today that contributed to my goal?” and shame on you if there is none.

Remember you have to stay focused, you have to have the perseverance and discipline so as not to stray from your goals, just think of the rewards that you will get once you’re there up top with everything that you could ever dream of.

So, lets stop reading and start making things happen! Ok? I know I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna write another article in the future sharing my success!

And I’ll be looking out for yours too.

Good Luck! A working class citizen who’s always looking for ways to improve life…and shares it to everybody.
Pls visit my site, you might find something you like.http://eshop.vstore.cainternet marketing consultant

Do you agree with what the greatest Self-Help Success author of all time Napoleon Hill (author of Think & Grow Rich) said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it will achieve”?
I’ve learned– often the hard ways– that what your mind believes you will ALWAYS achieve: Good, bad or indifferent. Unless and until something comes along to “change your mind.”
Your beliefs create your paradigm of life– the way it is, whatever the “it” is we’re talking about. There are paradigms for every domain of life and work.
A paradigm is your belief about the way it is. It’s your “worldview” of the matter no matter what’s the matter.
A classic example of a marketplace paradigm (worldview, belief) is the wristwatch: Until the 1970s, geared timepieces– the “Swiss watch”– were the dominant paradigm; jeweled movements, mainsprings, winding mechanisms (think Rolex). With the development of cheap semi-conductors and wafer thin batteries, the quartz watch (think Seiko)– with its greater accuracy and low price– became the new paradigm of wristwatches.
In a more a human arena, a paradigm is the underlying belief we are operating from.
Our beliefs are habits of thought– those things we think about a given subject most consistently and frequently and for the longest time– and the associated feelings that come with those thoughts. Beliefs and memories are the same thing. A memory becomes a belief the more often it’s recalled and the more powerfully we infuse it with our emotional energy.
One important thing to know about our beliefs and memories is they are NOT the truth. They are always our interpretations of events in the past. Just like six eye-witnesses to the same street crime will describe six different sets of details… or at various stages and ages in our lives we remember the exact same incident very differently.
Our memories and beliefs– our paradigms– are NOT real. We MAKE THEM UP.
And they can change in an instant when new, more compelling information becomes available.
The following is a true story told by Frank Koch, which appeared in an issue of Proceedings, the magazine of the United States Naval Institute. It dramatically illustrates how one simple, yet profound new bit of information completely changed a very big paradigm 180 degrees in an instant.
As background, let me explain that at the time of this story, a battleship was THE most formidable navel war vessel in the world. It was three football fields long (longer than most skyscrapers are tall), weighed 50,000 tons and carried a crew of 1500 sailors. It also had nine 16″ guns that could fire a one-ton explosive “bullet” and blow up a target as small as a tank 23 miles away.
Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. Koch was serving on the lead battleship and was standing watch on the bridge as night fell. He recounts his experience.
“The visibility was extremely poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge, keeping an eye on our navigation activities.”
“Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, ‘Light, bearing on the starboard bow!’
“The captain called out, ‘Is it steady or moving astern?’
“The lookout replied, ‘Steady, captain,’ which meant that we were on a collision course with that source of light.
“The captain then called to the signalman, ‘Signal that ship: We are on a collision course. . . advise you change course 20 degrees.’
“Back came the signal from the other ship. ‘Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees!’
“The captain barked, ‘Send, I’m a captain. . . change course 20 degrees immediately.’
“‘I’m a seaman second-class,’ came the reply. ‘You had better change course 20 degrees!’”
“By this time, the captain was furious. He spat out, ‘Send, I am a battleship! Change course 20 degrees.’
“Back came the signal from the flashing light. . .’
“I am a lighthouse. . .”
All it takes to change a paradigm– or a belief– even the most firmly entrenched and universally agreed upon, is one new piece of “compelling” information.
Admittedly, with a belief that you and I have held on to as our dominant paradigm for 20, 30, 40 years or more, that may require some focused and consistent effort over time. But if the experts are correct and you can establish a new habit in 21 to 28 days. . . you’re always less than one month away from changing your life for the better forever.
So, how do you know what your beliefs are?
Look at your life right now. . .
That’s what you have believed up ’til now.
Don’t like what you’ve got?
Change your beliefs.
It’s the only way.
Think of it like this:
Your beliefs are your operating system, and exactly like the OS Whatever (DOS, Mac, Linux, Unix) on your computer, your beliefs organize and control all your human hardware and software, so everything works the way it’s supposed to.
Now, you’d be crazy to run your computer with software developed back in the 1960s or ’70s. (The computer in your cell phone is more powerful than any desktop was just 20 years ago.) And you’d be totally nuts to depend on an operating system designed by a five or six-year old “programmer” wouldn’t you?
But that’s exactly the kind of software you’re using right this minute to run your life. . .
YOU OS 1.0: Fundamental beliefs MADE UP in the mind of a little child– and most probably a disappointed, dissatisfied, discouraged, disheartened little “programmer” trying desperately to safely navigate the stormy seas of life and protect him or herself from pain.
If you’re anxious about what other people think of you. . .
If you’re afraid of failure and rejection. . .
If you have any of the FADWAS (Fear, Anger, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety, Sadness) or more importantly, if they have you. . .
If no matter what you do it’s never good enough or never enough. . .
Then it’s time to install a new operating system.
As soon as possible would be good. And this time, preferably make it a system designed by an authentic, intelligent, sincere and serious adult who knows, likes and trusts you. One who cares very deeply about you and is passionately committed to your life and success.
Know anybody that fits that description perfectly?
You are “The One”: The best one. . . and really you’re the only one qualified for the job.
Problem is: This one is NOT one of those “Do it yourself” deals. Self-help won’t work too well here, because the “self” itself is part of the problem. As Professor Einstein was quoted as saying:
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Remember, our beliefs are habits of thought, so can you understand how those very same thoughts that formed our beliefs are neither willing nor able to un-make them?
When you’re working on developing and installing a new and improved Operating System– your fundamental beliefs about who and how you are, and the way life really is– self-help doesn’t work, because you and I are blind to the beliefs that limit us and stop us from living in 3D– as we Desire, Dream and Deserve.
We are battleships heading straight for a lighthouse.
Help– which has gotten a “bad rap” for many of us since childhood where it was mistakenly viewed as a sign of weakness (and has been negatively promoted as such by too many of the popular human potential gurus and their personal development workshops)- is absolutely what we need.
Help, in the form of new and more compelling information. (Again: “I am a lighthouse.”)
Help in the form of a new way of working directly with our beliefs that will shift unwanted, self-sabotaging beliefs to empowering beliefs that assure your success. . . fast, in a proven way that lasts.
What your mind believes you will achieve
– all ways and in all ways.
Thanks.
I appreciate you! John Milton Fogg is an acclaimed writer, editor, speaker, coach and author of the million-selling book, The Greatest Networker in the World. His free BeliefBusters Report shows you how to Build Self-Esteem, Stop Negative Thinking and Become Healthy, Wealthy and Happy at: http://BeliefBusters.com.Free WP Autoposter Plugins

How to Become an Effective Self-Help User? “Know Thyself” That is the essence of what this chapter is about.  You are a “self-help” seeker and user. You want resources to advance yourself in your life, to feel better, stronger and more successful. You’re not satisfied with how things are. And you’re not complacent about it. You’re motivated.  Therefore, you’ve come to the right place. Here, we’re going to get focused.   You have read the previous chapter on Assessing Your Self-Help Needs, where we made the distinction between categories of distress and categories of achievement.  We use these definitions to help you differentiate between goals to be achieved and problems to be solved.  This ensures that we are on the same page. Let’s identify a few symptom problems under categories of distress. We start with the big ones and work our way down.  Top of the list in Problems to be Solved (categories of distress) is Anxiety. Your number one source of pain and stress, anxiety permeates everything. It affects your sleep, how you feel about yourself and your circumstances in the World.  - Do you feel Confident?  - Do you feel Effective?  - Are you feeling Lost or Unsure of Yourself? These questions take us back to anxiety, the root symptom underlying our Stress.   If we have anxiety as a problem, then Stress Management is a possible solution.  We see that stress is first experienced as anxiety. It becomes stress after occupying space within us for any length of time. It is something we experience and live with everyday, and it colors our way of viewing the world. Another disabling symptom category is Depression.   This is the second most common symptom in the range of disabling categories.  It’s amazing how many people are depressed today.  You can see this for yourself when you walk into any bookstore and count the number of books devoted to Depression. When I travel and wander through Airport bookstores I see more books on Depression and Anti-Depressant Medication than any other subject.  And this is supposed to be the Age of Abundance and Leisure! Why is Depression so common?  And why is it so difficult to overcome? Some forms of depression and anxiety are a function of chemistry and need to be assessed by a psychiatrist or psychologist. What we are talking about here is the stress of “acquiring more” and “making it” as a function of living in a competitive society. Yes, some stress is necessary, even desired, to bring out our best performance in work or other activities.  Being overwhelmed by Stress is all too common today. Anxiety and depression walk hand in hand with those of us geared to the competitive lifestyle. Depression is the most commonly diagnosed mental illness today.  Where there is depression, there is Anxiety. The pharmaceutical industry makes a fortune delivering new types of medications for two categories alone. Yes, Depression and Anxiety are interlinked.   They show up whenever “Stress” is the assessed root problem. Stress, Anxiety and Depression dominate our Era.  From the pressure to succeed and to raise our children perfectly, to the side effects of “The War on Terrorism”, we are all subject to stress.  Life comes with stress.  Our purpose is to find a means of managing stress so we can move forward with our problems to solve and goals to achieve We Have Learned that Categories of Distress are Global.  Anxiety, depression and stress occupy our minds and thoughts daily.  They are a top priority in our consciousness and can trigger major physical illnesses.  Becoming happy is about becoming healthy, productive and at home with ourselves. Anxiety – Stress – Depressive States are Global Tragedies! What else can we feel when 200 Spaniards are killed by terrorist bombs on their way to work one morning?  When everyday dozens of soldiers or are killed or maimed while involved in some military action around the World. Every day there is Stress; Kids, Jobs, Debt, Bad News, and so on.  There’s plenty of stress to go around. Back to Categories of Distress Anxiety, Depression, Stress are the top three! Other symptom categories derive from these three. Where can you find Relief? HERE IS YOUR HOMEWORK! Click below and Search AMAZON.COM Books for titles on ANXIETY and DEPRESSION. http://www.amazon.com/Voice-Metaphor-Personal-Development/dp/0595354513/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&tag=theselfhelpad-20&s=books&qid=1220023398&sr=1-1 A box will appear in which you can select categories to explore. Choose “Books.” Then in the Keyword Slot type in Anxiety Recovery or Depression Recovery and the search is on. Titles will appear with descriptions for you to assess. Do the same for any Keyword Phrase in the Self-Help realm, and a search will ensue.  A list of titles will pop up.  Take your time. Read the customer ratings and reviews. Search “Inside the Book” if that is available. Trust your Intuition and Feeling Centre to inform you if the title you are examining is a Good Fit for Your Needs. Maurice Turmel holds a PhD in Counseling Psychology. He was a practicing therapist for nearly 25 years providing counseling and therapy to individuals, groups, organizations and families. He is the author of “The Voice – A Metaphor for Personal Development”; “Mythical Times – Exploring Life, Love & Purpose”; and “When Angels Call – Spiritual and Emotional Recovery from Grief and Loss”. He hosts his own radio show on BlogTalkRadio.com – “The Personal Growth Advisor.”http://personalgrowthadvisor.comhttp://www.griefandlossrecovery.comBest Smartphone Software

There are times in life when we all need a little help. Unwilling to admit we do can just prolong the problem. A self help group can not only be a great source of comfort, but also takes away the aching feeling you are all alone in your suffering.
No matter what the problem is, a self help group may be the method by which you can discuss, listen, interact, network, and be counseled by those who are probably going through the same life-altering struggle and pain you are experiencing. With so many groups available today, there is no reason to avoid seeking them out.
Whether you are an alcoholic; a drug user; have emotional problems; experience anxiety or panic attacks; have HIV/AIDS; wish to quit smoking; have bereavement issues; or have low self-esteem or are depressed, there is always a group available to help you. They are just a phone call or a short visit away, and more often than not, they are probably located in your local area. If you rather not express your feelings in front of large groups, you can always seek smaller more intimate settings. Perhaps someone you know has opened their home to others wishing to participate in a self help group. Maybe a friend or family member can offer recommendations for you to join a smaller self help group.
If you are uncomfortable letting anyone know about your problem, there are also a number of self help resources on the internet. A simple search in your favorite search engine for your problem will bring up a number of forums and other resources to help you deal with and cope with your problem. On these forums or chat rooms, you can remain completely anonymous and speak with others about your problems. They are often completely willing to listen because they understand. It’s also not as formal of a setting as a normal self help group, which many people find more comfortable.
There is no shame in asking for help. Furthermore, knowing others who are going through the same or similar ordeal can make a world of difference in helping you to cope and resolve your problem. If you are having a difficult time in your life, no matter what the cause, seek out a self help group. Remember, you are not alone. There are people who are willing to assist you with any problem you may have. Allow them to offer their hand in friendship. The difference they make in your life will enable you to make a difference in someone else’s life later on. Joe Robinson is the Founder of <a href="http://self-esteem-self-help.com” rel=”nofollow”>Self Esteem Self Help, a free resource revealing tips and tricks that immediately boost your self esteem. Go to http://self-esteem-self-help.com to instantly download a free report loaded with simple techniques that conquer depression and secrets to building self esteem!Produkte neutral getestet

  Does your head start to buzz and your eyes start to cross every time you find yourself confronted with another self-help program? I don’t blame you. So many people are on the self-help bandwagon that it has become too difficult and too time-consuming to separate the wheat from the chaff. Consequently, in the interest of sanity, you miss a lot of valuable resources because you toss everything into the trash. Is there a solution? Yes, there is. Every industry is full of those who talk in the abstract; that is, they don’t really have a practical knowledge of what they’re selling. Internet Marketing is a prime example. In my forays into this particular world in an attempt to educate myself, I encountered so many people who were only in it for the money. I can’t tell you how many times I have signed up somewhere just to get a glimpse of what they offered only to discover that their sales pitch had more information in it than their product. After a few months of this, I was completely burned out! I began a daily ritual of hitting the trash button every time I saw an email from some affiliate or internet marketer. Is this the kind of experience you’ve been having with self-help books and programs? Have you tossed the baby out with the bath water rather than spend any more time trying to sort through the mass of products out there? If it is, let me share some ideas with you about what I consider the qualities of self-help programs that can make a difference. A VALUED RESOURCE: 1. Always presents information in a way that it has value for those who are seeking understanding but who have no background in the field AND it also has value for those who have been involved in the field for a while. “For those who have eyes to see and ears to hear…” This phrase means that I see and hear different things depending on where I am on my journey. If I read a particular book five years ago and thought it was great, but today my interpretation of the material is vastly different, I am in possession of a valued resource. If I am able to see deeper layers to the work as I grow, it is indeed a valued resource! 2. Discusses things in a practical way. In other words, it relates the information to situations that are common to a lot of people so that I can identify with it. If the body of a book or program is filled with grandiose examples or the writer/teacher spends most of the time citing cases of those who have been successful with their program, this is not useful information. Someone else’s success is not my success. Their issues and their background are not necessarily the same as mine. A valued resource gives me the “facts.” It provides all the information I need to make decisions for myself so that I can address the beliefs and attitudes that are dominant in me. 3. Does not use “catch phrases” with no attempt at explaining their significance. For example, the word “sin” has many connotations depending on the nature of a person’s belief system. If I am to understand what they’re saying, then I need to know how they define their terms. Do they define sin as a black mark on me or as a signal that I am off my path of well-being? 4. Never tries to convince me that my success is just a matter of “doing” certain things. Doing things in the outer world, like making lists or following a particular regimen, is only one part of the process that effects permanent change in my life. I have to be willing to examine my thoughts and my feelings as well as my actions. You run across some systems that focus almost exclusively on emulating successful people. Nothing wrong with that, unless I never look at myself because I’m always looking at the focus of my attention. When that happens, my success, if it happens, is something I’ve forced into existence. It is not something that I have developed the consciousness for. In other words, something that grew out of my understanding. Consequently, it is on a shaky foundation. 5. Encourages me to think for myself. Any self-help program that discourages me from thinking for myself, that is, tweaking what I’ve learned to understand myself is suspect. Growth is all about thinking creatively, and I can’t very well do that if I take on the role of parrot! 6. Never promotes itself as the only source of information for my personal growth. If a self-help program or teacher expects me to accept only what they teach, their teachings are contrary to the underlying principal of personal growth. The underlying principal of personal growth is about my being creative—taking information I receive and embracing it, molding it until it takes me to a new level of experience. To do this, I must be free to explore all ideas that seem pertinent to me. I may choose to explore all the teachings of a particular source because they resonate with me. That’s okay because it is my choice. 7. Never assures me that my life will do a complete turn-around overnight. Sure, my life is about change, but it is life-long change. It took a long time for me to develop the attitudes or beliefs that I currently hold. Most have become unconscious ways of looking at my life. Do you seriously think this is going to change overnight? Of course, I may be able to force a particular change near term, but the moment I take my attention from it, it will revert to the path of least resistance. So, even though I may have some new experiences right off, it is superficial. Real change comes from working on the underlying causes of my experiences, and that’s a 24/7 job. There are no quick fixes for my life or yours! Anyone who tells me that they can permanently transform my entire life in a few quick and easy steps is totally ignoring 1) the work involved in change and 2) that my life is a journey of change through refinement. Just as change takes time, so does making decisions about where to invest your energy in terms of your personal growth. Don’t get discouraged or in too big of a hurry. Read about the people presenting the information. Make sure their desire is weighted toward wanting to help you rather than making money. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone making a living by helping other people. The difference lies in whether the money is a by-product of helping or the money is their primary motive for presenting the information. Of course, this is not so easy to determine sometimes. If they have a web site, check out their about us page. Google them. If they have podcasts or blogs, go there and check them out. Through all of this, you can get a feeling for the person(s). Trust your instincts! ©2007 Dannye WilliamsenHealing Your Self Esteem. Dannye Williamsen speaks straight from the heart and gets straight to the point. In the field of spiritual psychology, she has several publications and has co-authored an award-winning 5 CD audio book called “It’s Your Move! Transform Your Dreams from Wishful Thinking to Reality.” Visit her Blog. For those interested in her products, click here.Best Smartphone Software

  “I am successful,” “I am a wonderful person,” “I will find love again,” and many other similar phrases that students, the broken-hearted and unfulfilled employees may repeat to themselves over and over again, hoping to change their lives. Self-help books through the ages, from Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking all the way to the latest, The Secret, have encouraged people with low self-esteem to make positive self-statements or affirmations. New research suggests it may do more harm than good to many people. Canadian researcher, Dr. Joanne Wood at the University of Waterloo and her colleagues at the University of New Brunswick who have recently published their research in the Journal of Psychological Science, concluded “repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most.” The researchers asked people with and low self-esteem to say “I am a lovable person.” They then measured the participants’ moods and their feelings about themselves. The low-esteem group felt worse afterwards compared with others who did not. However, people with high self-esteem felt better after repeating the positive affirmation–but only slightly. The psychologists then asked the participants to list negative and positive thoughts about themselves. They found, paradoxically, those with low self-esteem were in a better mood when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts. The researchers suggest that, like overly positive praise, unreasonably positive self-statements, such as “I accept myself completely” can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals in individuals with low self-esteem. When positive self-statements strong conflict with self-perception, the researchers argue, there is not mere resistance but a reinforcing of self-perception. People who view themselves as unlovable, for example, find that saying that are so unbelievable that it strengthens their own negative view rather than reversing it. These findings were supported by previous research published in 1994 in the Journal of Social Psychology, showing that when people get feedback that they believe is overly positive, they actually feel worse, not better. Dr. Wood goes even further. In her Psychology Today blog, she says that most self-help books advocating positive affirmations may be based on good intentions or personal experience, but they are rarely based on even one iota of scientific evidence. She cites psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness as an exception. Does that mean positive affirmations are of absolutely no value. Not according to Dr. Wood and her co-researchers. They say they positive affirmations can help when they are part of a broader program of intervention. That intervention can take place in a number of forms such as cognitive psychotherapy or working with a coach who has expertise in the behavioral sciences.What kind of intervention is best to use to make positive affirmations most effective? That’s where we encounter even more controversy. Traditional cognitive psychotherapy may not be the best intervention according to Dr. Steven Hayes, a renowned psychotherapist, and author of Getting Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life. Hayes has been setting the world of psychotherapy on its ear by advocating a totally different approach. In an article in Time magazine, John Cloud describes Hayes’ work. Hayes and researchers Marsha Linehan and Robert Kohlenberg at the University of Washington, and Zindel Segal at the University of Toronto, what we could call “Third Wave Psychologists” are focusing less on how to manipulate the content of our thoughts (a focus on cognitive psychotherapy) and more on how to change their context–to modify the way we see thoughts and feelings so they can’t control our behavior. Whereas cognitive therapists speak of “cognitive errors” and “distorted interpretation,” Hayes and his colleagues encourage mindfulness, the meditation-inspired practice of observing thoughts without getting entangled by them–imagine the thoughts being a leaf or canoe floating down the stream. These Third Wave Psychologists would argue that trying to correct negative thoughts can paradoxically actually intensify them. As NLP trained coaches would say, telling someone to “not think about a blue tree,” actually focuses their mind on a blue tree. The Third Wave Psychologists methodology is called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), which says that we should acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout our life and instead of challenging or fighting with them, we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values in life. Hayes would argue that once we are willing to feel our negative emotions, we’ll find it easier to commit ourselves to what we want in life. This approach may come as a surprise to many, because the traditional cognitive model permeates our culture and the media as reflected in the Dr. Phil show. The essence of the conflict between traditional cognitive psychologists and psychotherapists is to engage in a process of analyzing your way out your problems, or the Third Wave approach which says, accept that you have negative beliefs, thinking and problems and focus on what you want. Third Wave psychologists acknowledge that we have pain, but rather than trying to push it away, they say trying to push it away or deny it just gives it more energy and strength. Third Wave Psychologists focus on acceptance and commitment comes with a variety of strategies to help people including such things as writing your epitaph (what’s going to be your legacy), clarifying your values and committing your behavior to them. It’s interesting that that The Third Wave Psychologists approach comes along at a time when more and more people are looking for answer outside of the traditional medical model (which psychiatry and traditional psychotherapy represent). Just look at a 2002 study in Prevention and Treatment, which found that 80% people tested who took the six most popular antidepressants of the 1990’s got the same results when they took a sugar pill placebo. The Third Wave Psychologists approaches are very consistent with much of the training and approach that many life coaches receive, inclusive of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and many spiritual approaches to behavioral changes reflected in ancient Buddhist teachings and the more modern version exemplified by Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now). The focus of those approaches reinforces the concepts of acceptance of negative emotions and thoughts, and rather than giving them energy and fighting with them, focus on mindfulness, and a commitment to an alignment of values and behavior. So what can we learn from all this? Two things–first, just engaging in positive affirmations by themselves, can do harm to people with low self-esteem, and provide only little benefit for those with high-esteem, if those affirmations are not part of a comprehensive program of self-growth, preferably with a knowledgeable professional; and second, the traditional cognitive psychotherapeutic approach at trying to change people’s negative thinking through logical processes may actually be counterproductive, compared to an approach that has people accept their thoughts, not resist them and give more energy to them by thinking about them, but rather engage in positive behaviors and thinking. On the next post, I’ll be interviewing Stephanie Frank, President of Success IQ University, a Master NLP Coach and Certified Hypnotherapist, who has worked with hundreds of individuals practicing the concepts and ideas in this blog, and achieved huge success with her clients. She’ll tell us how.   Ray Williams is Co-Founder of Success IQ University and President of Ray Williams Associates, companies based in Phoenix and Vancouver, providing leadership development, personal growth and executive coaching services and products.hotfix rhinestones